Why Children Turn Out The Way They Do

Blog 2

Together we may give our children the
roots to grow and the wings to fly

You will be forgiven if you think that what influences children’s development in our current world, apart from their genes, is the way their parents bring them up. The truth is that parents matter less; peers matter more. Parents don’t socialize children: children socialize children. But can parents tilt this balance and have important and long-term effects on the development of their children once again?” The answer to that question has to be —“Yes, absolutely!”

This is what God said of Abraham: For I have known him, to the end that he may command his children and his household after him, that they may keep the way of Jehovah, to do righteousness and justice; to the end that Jehovah may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him (Genesis 18:19). Joshua could confidently affirm: “… but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord” (Joshua 24:15). This great leader was not oblivious of the fact that as the twig is bent, so grows the tree – he purposed to exert influence in his household.

We need to recognize and appreciate the great disaster of delegating the responsibility of “nurturing” our children entirely to the government, schools, church, babysitters, day-care centres, or our friends or relatives as we pursue other interests.

The price which translates to ruined futures is eventually too costly.

Children need to understand the connection between bad behaviour and consequences and this need be done in a clever way.

Don’t be too critical

Bullying should not start at home. Children hate those who demean them publicly just to humiliate them. They are more at peace with those that demonstrate that their emotions matter. Nobody will share their lives with you if you keep giving judgement, criticisms and negative perspectives about this and that.

Be consistent not sometimes nice and on other days downright sarcastic, rude and cold otherwise the child gets tired of such a volatile relationship.

Give meaningful praise

It is perfectly in order to give praise to a child when a child does something noteworthy. It is however not sufficient to say a “good job!” to the child because the child may not understand the message behind this statement.

Praise becomes meaningless to kids unless they learn from it.  Just as they learn from constructive feedback on academics and homework, they learn from well-communicated praise.

Be specific

Praise their enthusiasm, honesty, kindness, teamwork, fairness, humility, etc. By making your praise more specific, you help kids learn that character strengths matter. And you communicate appreciation for who they are, not just for what they do.

Remember little eyes are watching, so model by example

Tell parallels that will enable children create connections between bad behaviour and consequences. Let them learn that, “if you plant bad seeds, you are going to get nasty weeds. If you plant good seeds, you’ll get a good crop.” They relate.